LUST TO THE Nth DEGREE

 

This is where love and lust collide.

This is where I fail.

I have always failed at this.

 

I could never tell the difference

between lust and love.

 

If you knew how many times

I have come to this page

attempting to say something intelligent

something that would wash away my guilt

something that would salvage my image

but I have failed - - - yet again.

 

There must have been

others before me

with the same problem

trying to think it through

trying to map it

on a page of words

or on a canvas

on a graph

or on a movie screen.

 

I know

there had to be

others.

 

YES!

There were others;

Masters and Johnson,

Elaine C. Hatfield, PhD,

Mark F. Schwartz, DSc,

all listed in the

The American Psychological Association

April 2003, Vol 34, No. 4

Print version: page 57

 

It doesn’t absolve my confusion

or my past pains

at not knowing

not truly knowing

until I screwed things up.

 

How much I wish to understand

the difference.

 

And now I finally know

at this late point

in my life.

 

However,

I also know

if I were eighteen again

I wouldn’t know

the difference

between love

and lust.

 

Is that what God

had in mind for me?

 

To live in confusion

nihilism

and anarchy

against my own mind?

 

THE REMAINDER OF THE STORY IS HERE