Friday, September 20, 2013



This is where love and lust collide.

This is where I fail.

I have always failed at this.


I could never tell the difference

between lust and love.


If you knew how many times

I have come to this page

attempting to say something intelligent

something that would wash away my guilt

something that would salvage my image

but I have failed - - - yet again.


There must have been

others before me

with the same problem

trying to think it through

trying to map it

on a page of words

or on a canvas

on a graph

or on a movie screen.


I know

there had to be




There were others;

Masters and Johnson,

Elaine C. Hatfield, PhD,

Mark F. Schwartz, DSc,

all listed in the

The American Psychological Association

April 2003, Vol 34, No. 4

Print version: page 57


It doesn’t absolve my confusion

or my past pains

at not knowing

not truly knowing

until I screwed things up.


How much I wish to understand

the difference.


And now I finally know

at this late point

in my life.



I also know

if I were eighteen again

I wouldn’t know

the difference

between love

and lust.


Is that what God

had in mind for me?


To live in confusion


and anarchy

against my own mind?


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